Whether we want to admit it or not, we all talk to ourselves. If someone says they don’t, they’re lying because they’re most likely embarrassed as to what that person may think. Our internal dialogue is a part of being a human. The two most important pieces of our self-talk is # 1 paying attention aka being mindful of what we say to ourselves and # 2 thinking before we say anything out loud. If we are mindful of what we are thinking we can recognize negative self-talk. If we can recognize it, we can change it.
Negative and distorted thinking causes negative emotions (anger, depression, anxiety, stress, self-doubt, etc.). This well researched therapy is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If we want to change how we feel or our patterns of poor behaviors, it all starts with being mindful of our thoughts. We can then insert the thoughts we want to think, believe them, even justify them.
Our brain has a natural propensity towards negative thinking and our conscious and moral compass are the gatekeepers. Therefore, we are not a slave to our thoughts and have more control than we may think. This is your way to take back the control! When we catch our negative thoughts and choose to think positively, we are mentally training our brain to develop a new neurological pathway. Therefore, this is also a physiological change in our brain. The more we do it, the less often and less intense the negative thinking can be. Hence, the old neurological pathway dying. This is mental training. Recognize the negative, tell yourself the positive, believe it, and do it over and over again with justifications to support.
BE MINDFUL – PAY ATTENTION
For example, if I’m aware that I tell myself that “I can’t do” something, “I’m not worth it” or “I’m not good enough”, we can recognize that makes me feel depressed and down on myself, I can choose to recognize that I’m being negative, irrational and change my thoughts. On a 1-10 scale (1 feeling bad and 10 feeling good), rank how you feel, recognize your symptoms and potential behaviors based on how you feel?
There’s no such thing as “can’t” in my vocabulary. Can’t means won’t (within reason of course). Putting ourselves down is not helpful to ourselves or those around us that love us and want the best for us. It’s a time waster that keeps us sitting in the negativity and feeling bad. Choose to neutralize the statements or make them positive through recognizing the negative, irrational thinking.
CHALLENGE THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
Next, What DO YOU KNOW about yourself and the situation that disproves the negative thoughts and beliefs? Rationalize. If needed, break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces. Even step outside of yourself to look at yourself and the situation from a less emotionally charged perspective to challenge the negative thinking. Pretend like you’re talking to a therapist or trusted friend if that helps.
What can you say to yourself to make the feelings less intense? What are the rational thoughts? Now justify them. Mentally rehearse the rational, positive thoughts and justify them with what you do know. What is your balanced resolution that realistically reflects the situation?
WRITE DOWN THE POSITIVE SELF-TALK THOUGHTS
In order to really solidify the positive thoughts, we need to get them out of our heads. Writing down negative thoughts only perpetuates them. The key is we must believe the positive thoughts. If we don’t, at least neutralize them to not make them negative. Best case, figure out a way to believe the positive thoughts. Then justify the positive thoughts. Write them down as well to support your belief.
Now based on your new positive and rational thoughts, how do you feel? Take note of physical, mental, and emotional feelings, as well of potential behaviors. Rank yourself on the 1-10 scale. Did you catch yourself before behaving in a way that was not in your favor? Has the situation turned out to be not as bad as feared? Have you reduced your anxiety, depression, stress, anger, self-doubt, etc.?
We are bombarded with people’s thoughts, opinions and beliefs every day, especially with social media. Some may call it “brainwashing”. The more we are exposed to it (mental rehearsal) the more it has potential to stick. Therefore, we have more control than we think! Choose to follow positivity. Mentally rehearse or “brainwash” yourself towards how YOU WANT to feel while being grounded by your moral compass, your authentic self, and the person you want to be.
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