(TAKE THE SELF QUIZ AT THE END)
Song Lyrics from the song “Some Nights”
by the band Fun
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh-oh
what do I stand for?
(Whoa ooh whoa, oh) what do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore
Oh oh, oh ooh whoa oh
Oh ooh whoa oh, oh-oh
Oh oh, oh ooh whoa oh
Oh ooh whoa oh, oh-oh
Do you know what you stand for? This song made me think really hard about who I am and what I stand for. Do you know what you value? Who are you? Do your behaviors reflect your values? Do you intentionally think about making sure you are a person of integrity and that your behaviors reflect your values? If people describe you and your character, what would they say? Who do you want to be?
When our conscience and unconscious are aligned, rooted in our moral compass (values), and we behave accordingly (or as close as possible), we are living our “authentic life.” This is where mindfulness is the basis of it all.
How cool is the original of something versus the copied version? Right? It’s the same thing. People go to school to learn how to appraise valuable works of art and antiques to know the original versus the copies. We should be as attentive to knowing ourselves to be able to live our ‘authentic lives’.
REASONS TO BE MY ‘AUTHENTIC SELF’
Being real gains respect, which then aligns most times with honesty and loyalty. Is that how you want to be known? Do you want to be looked up to as someone who is respected, honest and loyal? I sure hope so. How do you want to be known? What else might motivate us to be our authentic selves? A LOT!
Research has proven that being authentic is a natural part of self-growth and authentic people are happier. It’s also a lot easier and feels better to be true to ourselves and act accordingly than trying to be something or someone we are not. When we behave according to our values it increases our confidence. Our values are our roots, so we feel more grounded and confident to be ourselves. This increases our internal motivation as well as resilience, endurance and meaning in the face of adversity. These are the most successful people. When we deeply believe in something to our core, it is motivating and we will endure life’s challenges.
Joseph’s (2019) study concluded a correlation between authenticity, mindfulness, and emotional intelligence. According to Goleman (2004), emotional intelligence is the key to success. Such a lifestyle has several benefits to wellbeing, even at a cellular level, including improved antiviral responses (Fredrickson et al., 2013). Putting on a front is exhausting and over time will severely damage our mental and physical health.
HOW TO BE MYSELF
People that are authentic are purposefully aware and mindful of their thoughts, body and intentions in order to make changes and adjust when needed. They have a genuine drive to continue to know and learn about themselves from a strengths and weaknesses standpoint, open to doing what is needed to grow and be a better person. One can see how this process can also build confidence. This ability to be vulnerable with ourselves is the key to growth and many might argue, success.
I will eventually write an entire blog on taking responsibility for our actions, but for this blog I will simply mention its importance in this self-growth process. In most all situations, there’s something we could have done better or differently to make a difference. When we accept and take what is ours, we learn, grow and build confidence, gaining respect.
If family or friends believe or want something does not mean we have to. If they truly love us, they will want us to be our ‘authentic self’, even if that means disagreeing with them. We can’t let ourselves be bullied. However, when proven wrong, accept it! We respect people that admit their faults and want to learn to be better people. It shows immaturity when we don’t take responsibility for our actions. What an admired characteristic! Don’t be emotionally immature and stick with your decision even after being proven wrong. That’s like having a tantrum like a child. Crossroads and challenges are opportunities for growth. Take the opportunities!
Joseph (2019) summarizes what is needed with the following formula and goals:
“Know yourself + Own yourself + Be yourself = the Authentic Life”
BE YOUR AWESOME SELF! We need all sorts of diversity, different ideas, and people from various perspectives to continue progression as people and as a society.
START BY ASKING YOURSELF THESE 3 QUESTIONS.
1. The Saturday Morning Test
What do you do on a Saturday morning when you have nothing to do? Your authentic self should go toward that…
(The Saturday Morning Test asks you to lean into your natural passion to enrich your work and personal lives.)
2. The Bench Test
How do you feel when you put yourself in a new situation? Your authentic self will lead you toward that…
(The Bench Test is immersing yourself in a new situation and observing your reaction to make sure your decision is aligned with your authentic self.)
3. The Five People Test
Who are the five people closest to you in the things you love most? Your authentic self is an average of those people . (Take a look at the five people closest to you and remember you’re the average of them. We are the average of their intelligence, the average of their looks, the average of their positivity, the average of their creativity, the average of their ambition.)