“We fear our highest possibilities…..We are generally afraid to become that which we glimpse in our most perfect moments, under the most perfect conditions, under the conditions of greatest courage.” (Abraham Maslow)
Self-sabotage is described as counterproductive mindsets including negativity, disorganization, indecisiveness, and negative self-talk. Two forms of this can be perfectionism and imposter syndrome. So, why would we continue to self-sabotage if we are aware that we do it? Consciously or unconsciously, we self-sabotage to avoid pain (emotional & physical). Self-sabotage has been described as a biological response where the desire to reduce threats (pain) exceeds the drive to reach goals (move forward or get what you desire). (Dr. Judy Ho, 2019)
Shirzad Chamine wrote the New York Times best seller Positive Intelligence: Why only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours. He describes 10 ways or personas we sabotage ourselves. Purchase on Amazon
BEFORE READING THE DESCRIPTIONS, FOLLOW THIS 5-STEP PROCESS TO STOP YOUR SELF-SABOTAGING BEHAVIOR.
1. Identify your way(s) of self-sabotage, even where it might come from growing up.
2. Correct your negative and distorted thoughts and support the logical, neutral or positive thought with evidence. Be authentic with yourself! Remember, fear of emotional and physical pain fuels self-sabotage.
3. Using an example, what specifically can you do differently? Develop a detailed plan.
4. In order to be accountable to stopping the self-sabotage, think of an emotionally safe person to tell or find a therapist to boost your knowledge and self-esteem.
5. Reward yourself to reinforce positive behavioral changes. Examples may be giving yourself free time, telling someone about your progress, verbally congratulating yourself and meaning it, or buying yourself a treat.
1. Judge – Beats you up over mistakes; Obsessively worries; Fixates on negativity. “You’re an idiot! Why would you do that?”
2. Stickler – Perfectionism and order taken to far “It must be done my way.”
3. Pleaser – Helping, pleasing, and rescuing others for acceptance and affection. “Only if I help you will you like me.”
4. Restless – In search for constant service or greater excitement. “I am so busy I have no time to rest.”
5. Hyper-vigilant – Constant fear and anxiety about danger. “I could never do that, something would go wrong.”
6. Hyper-rational – Intense and exclusive focus on the rational process of everything. “Feelings don’t matter. Let’s be rational here.”
7. Hyper-achiever – Self-respect reliant on constant high achievement and performance. “If I don’t get a good grade, I am bad.”
8. Victim – Emotional and temperamental to gain attention and affection. “I’m so overwhelmed and sad and no one cares.”
9. Controller – Needs to control situations and others actions to control anxiety. “You need to do what I say.”
10. Avoider – Avoids unpleasant and difficult tasks. “I’ll deal with it later.”